Undertale (fanfiction): Pain in the Time Loop
by Izanami the Aswang
Summary: Trapped in a never ending time loop purely because of your Determination.
1. Prologue

"You're a weak kid, and pathetic."

"You're not special. You don't have any talents."

"I'm not your friend, anymore. You're a weirdo. I can't have weirdos in my friends cycle."

"Why did you exist?"

"Pathetic, loner, weirdo."

"This is all your fault!"

"You're the one who ruined my life!"

"You don't belong in this world."

"Oh, how I wish you were dead."

"You should've died."

You should've died.

You should've died..

You should've died…

You should've died you should've died you should've died you should've died you should've died you should've died.

"I should've died from the beginning, right…?"

Mount Ebott. A mysterious mountain hidden somewhere away from the village. It is said that those who climbed the mountain never returned. No one knew what happened to the "missing" humans who embarked their journeys to Mount Ebott. Despite everyone's effort to search for the missing humans, despite the clues they had found regarding them, alas, they could never be found, even until this day.

Upon hearing rustles from the bushes, the child panted heavily as they dropped on their knees to the ground to regain some energy. It was the child's first experience to climb on a very big mountain. After hours of climbing, hiking, resting, struggling, the child couldn't take it any longer. They had travelled far enough from their village. It's okay. They didn't want to come back, anyway. It's better to stay out of their lives than to plague themself with them just to make them suffer. They were nothing but a burden to them. They bullied, tortured and tormented them badly enough, purely because they existed. It's their fault. They didn't have the ability to become a normal child. They didn't have the ability to live up to their expectations. They didn't have the ability to get along with them. No matter what their efforts to interact with them, they always got disowned as if they were a useless doll. It was quite a terrible thing to happen upon the child, but they couldn't fight back. They just couldn't. They didn't have the courage to do so. They were too afraid to behave aggressively against them. They were too nice. They were too nice, too nice… Just, too nice. They were too nice…

Time had passed. The child had grown bored in the mountain. They didn't know where else to go if they can't return to their village. They stood up, feeling sluggish. As they took their first step away from their spot, their eyes were glued on a big hole in front of the child.

Driven by curiosity, the child marched closer towards the big hole. It was so dark and deep, they couldn't see the bottom of it. Maybe that explained why the humans who climbed Mount Ebott never returned. But still, it was odd to see a hole in the middle of the mountain. Not even the child knew where the hole led to.

"Maybe, if I jump into the hole, things would've been better," the child thought to themself.

The child was trembling. They were scared to fall, yet at the same time, it could be the best for them to fall and never return to the surface. They won't have to see anyone again. The child pulled out a razor from their pocket. They folded their left sleeve till the folds reached above their elbow. The razor was pointed to the arm.

One, two, three, no.. Five, six.

Six cuts on the soft and squishy left arm was painful, but exhilarating. The child breathed the air sharply between their gritted teeth. They were trying to endure the pain they were feeling. Well, that was enough cuts for today. It was even funnier to see the scars behind the cuts. The old scars caused by the cuts they did to themself a few days ago. It was just a subtle pain to them.

When they opened the folds and hid the cuts behind the sleeves, the child was contemplating before the hole.

"Here goes nothing…"

And they fell.


	2. Chapter 1

"Ow…"

I struggled to open my eyes slowly. It was too painful for me to make the simple effort. How pathetic, isn't it? Except that I just fell from a hole. It was a long fall, everywhere around me was dark. I couldn't even get the gist of a clear sight. Now, I don't even know where I am. Not even do I know this unfamiliar place.

My name is Frisk. I'm the child that fell down just now. I climbed on Mount Ebott, and I found myself falling into the bottom of a place I don't recognize. I guess, this is the place called "Underground." Legends say that those who climbed this mountain disappeared without a trace, and never to be found again. Truthfully, it's what I wanted. I didn't want to be found again. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to see anyone again. It should be better if no one sees me again. So, that's why… I thought climbing this mountain was a good idea.

Because, if the humans who climbed here disappeared, they might had fallen down or were lost. But, if they had been fallen, it could be an accident or it's because, they attempted to… well, you know… Seemed like my suicide attempt failed. I was supposed to be dead after a long fall, but instead… I woke up, and felt a numbing pain on my head instead.

I placed my palm on my head and stroked it gently from hairline to hairline. I stopped when I felt a warm liquid on my head. I gazed at my palm decorated with crimson blood. I shuddered, but I didn't feel terrified enough. I wasn't intimidated by my own blood. It was a suicide attempt, I shouldn't feel horrified. I touched my left arm. The cuts on my arm weren't even scary enough to intimidate my depressed soul, too. Depression and apathy combined into one, and that's how you can get to know this child named Frisk.

I moved my hands on the ground. I touched something soft and dewy. I had landed on the golden flowers, or more accurately named as "buttercups". I didn't feel the urge nor desire to wake up from my spot. The sight of the buttercups was beautiful, but it failed to excite me. I didn't even feel like watching them right now. I just wanted to stay there, lie down and contemplating life. Maybe, if the pain won't subside, I'd just die there. Or at least, I'd just stay there and never see anyone. But… I knew it wouldn't work that way. I knew I shouldn't do that. It's not great to lie down all day and do nothing.

I woke up as much as I could. I couldn't see anything but darkness. There was no sound of a voice, not even a wind. The hole was too high above my head. I didn't see any chances of me getting out of this place from that hole.

Ugh…

I got the chills down my spines when everything around me was just… pure darkness.

"I don't like this place… I want to get out of here…" I thought to myself.

I took a few steps away from the flowerbed. And as I was doing so, my sweater was being tugged from behind. It wasn't once, not twice, but many times. I turned around and saw another human in a green striped sweater, presumably the same age as I am. This human had a lighter skin and pink cheeks, their brown hair was straight, and they were wearing a creepy smile on their face. Something, somehow felt off about this human.

" _You are Frisk_ ," the human whispered.

I startled. "How did you know my name?"

" _Your STAT_."

Huh?

The human pointed at me. Not exactly, though. They were pointing at something near me. I looked down and saw a board that was placed near my stomach. There were some words engraved on the board.. ATK 0, DEF 0, LV 1, EXP 0. That's the STAT board. More likely of my own condition right now, and how much I interacted with anyone so far, which was I didn't, yet.

I scanned the human in front of me. Somehow, their appearance was more translucent than usual. Like a ghost. I could see some darkness through their body. What happened to them? What are they? Why are they in _this_ form?

There was no time to think. Seeing their creepy smile, I had the impression that this person must be a freak. I walked away, decided to ignore them. Alas, they didn't give up on interacting with me. I could hear their footsteps behind me. They're following me? What did they want?

" _I am Chara_ ," their hollow voice whispered again in my ear.

Chara, huh…? That was quite a unique name.

Step by step. I walked into another golden flower. It was taller than the flowers in the flowerbed, and the flower was… smiling?

The flower insisted me on accepting his "friendliness pellets". Being the idiot I was, I marched towards one of the pellets and grabbed them. Suddenly, the pellets burnt in my hand. It was burning, and too painful for me to handle. My whole body was affected by the burn, too. Before I realised anything, my HP was very low. Oh god… Am I going to die here? Is this the end? Is this it? Is he going to kill me? Well, I wouldn't mind. I'll have to accept my fate, since I could hardly move again from the excessive burning.

…

…

Nothing happened. Why?

I opened my eyes. The flower, named "Flowey" was gone. Gone? Where did he go?

"Mom?" Chara whispered to themself as they were shocked to see the figure ahead.

The figure was tall, wearing a purple robe, and somehow this figure looked like a goat?

"What a miserable creature, torturing such a poor, innocent youth," the figure spoke to herself before introduced herself as "Toriel". Oddly enough, she was only turning to me, and not Chara. She didn't see Chara, even though they're just beside me. She even seemed like she didn't hear Chara's voice.

And so the journey began.

But, it wasn't long enough until...

"Please… I want to leave the Ruins, but I don't want to hurt or fight you," I pleaded as Toriel threw her magical fire attacks towards me.

Toriel looked displeased, but somewhere in her gentle heart, she couldn't get herself to fight me. Or more precisely, _kill_ me. Kill. She won't stop as long as I don't come upstairs. I can't. I need to leave. I can't stay here forever. But, I've also made a mistake. I insisted on leaving the Ruins. I'm the one who forced her to show me the exit. She just couldn't. She didn't have the heart to let me go. She probably cared for me too much because she warned me about the dangers outside the Ruins. Not to mention, the king named Asgore Dreemurr… It wasn't just because she wanted to protect me. Chara even sensed something in her. She was lonely. She was afraid. She had no one else to turn to except me. The monsters, Froggits, Whimshuns, they were too intimidated to talk to her. She was also sad. Sad about something.

'No, I can't stay with her! This is not my place! This is not my home!' my voices shouted in my head.

" _Kill her,_ " Chara hissed.

"What? Kill her? No!" I shouted at Chara. I was so shocked at their suggestion to end the fight. I couldn't just fight Toriel. Killing is wrong, no matter what. That's what I believed, anyway.

"Who are you talking to, my child? Stop talking to yourself and fight me!" Toriel shouted at me before summoning her magical fireballs.

Luckily enough, I dodged her attack. One thing that struck me into thinking was the fact that Toriel thought I was talking to myself. But I was talking to Chara! Why didn't she hear them? Could it be that I'm the only one who can see Chara? No way…

I was too indulged in my thinking that I didn't see her next attack coming. Her fireballs hit my arms and legs. I screamed at the top of my lungs and collapsed to the floor. I sucked the air between my teeth as the burn started to get deeper into my system. Toriel saw me struggling and she hesitated to attack again. I struggled to get up, even though I only managed to stand still on my knees as I pleaded again, "I don't want to fight you. I won't fight you. Just, let me go…"

Toriel put her hand against her mouth. Her eyes began to water out her tears, but she tried to hold them back. Maybe she should've let me go, but…

"I know you want to go home, but... Please, go upstairs…" Toriel said slowly.

"…"

"I'm sorry for hurting you, my child," Toriel apologized with her tears streaming down her face.

And there it was. She finally let me free. We hugged, and she uttered her final goodbye before leaving. Truthfully, I was offended. I was offended that she left me, so quickly. I couldn't forgive this. She just hurt me. And she could just leave me like that? I was a bit upset, but I decided not to protest. I walked past the mysterious door and finally encountered Flowey once again.

"In this world, it's still "Kill or be killed". You are able to play by your own rules. You spared them. But, who knows, if you'll finally give in to frustration, and kill someone out there? Haha…" Flowey hissed with a sinister voice before he sunk himself into the ground.

…

He was probably right. Throughout my journey in the Ruins, I've finally understood my situation, my STAT, and most importantly, I discovered that I have the power of "Determination" and "SAVE". Even so, I hadn't died a single time. I still couldn't get the gist of the knowledge about my abilities. Maybe, I should've killed someone. But, would it be worth the shot? I won't know.

I set my journey to King Asgore Dreemurr's castle. I've met different monsters and interesting people. The names I could remember were Sans, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, and Mettaton. There was one time I tried to contact Toriel, but she never picked up her phone. I missed her sometimes but… She never answered my calls. Why would she never answer even a single call from me? What happened? Why, was she _that_ upset?

But, hanging out with these unique creatures wasn't so bad at all. I dated and hung out with them. We even shared laughter together, travelled to some places. It was so fun. Sometimes the moments with them made me forget about my own pain and depression for a bit.

And yet, I'm still not contented. I'm still not happy. I couldn't feel happiness at all. I couldn't feel joy. Everything was still nothing to me.


	3. Chapter 2

I don't know how much time had passed. Tick tock. Tick tock. It all passed in an instant. In a blink of an eye. Memories will remain as memories. Useless memories. A date with Papyrus went well, I went on a cooking lesson with Undyne, I dated Alphys, I hung out with Sans and heard his funny jokes, I've met Asgore, I've battled Flowey. I did it. I just did it. I just did it because I didn't know what else is there to do in this world. I didn't want to kill anyone, _yet_. Despite the numbness I've carried with me, I still thought it would be nice to enjoy the moment with everyone in the Underground. Sure, it wasn't contenting. It all just made me go "hmm..." in my mind. I couldn't find something in this world. I couldn't feel "happiness". What is happiness, anyway?

For now, there's still one more thing I should do. I'm stuck in the place called the "True Laboratory". The elevator was broken, and I had to find its power source to turn it back on. And I did find it. And click! The power came back to life. I walked my way to the supposed elevator. I could finally come back to the Underground. It was honestly tiring to be stuck in this dark place. It wasn't even scary, it was boring. It made my depressed blank mind went blanker. I didn't even talk much with Chara. They only followed me around, like a ghost that would always stick with you, no matter how hard you tried to cast them away. One speciality about this _ghost_ though, they never stopped beaming a creepy smile. I even asked them if they were ever tired of smiling.

" _Why would I get tired? I don't like wearing a serious expression on my face. It's torture_. _"_

Well, whatever you say, weird one.

I was walking until my foot stepped on something. It was slippery as I stepped on it, and it rolled away slowly. Not to mention, it was plastic. It was a bottle of sleeping pills. I turned the cap open. The bottle was half full. Someone must've consumed the pills before. And then, they were probably careless to let this bottle lay around the lab. I wondered... What if... What if I overdose on these pills, without anyone knowing it. Maybe, it wasn't a bad idea. I could've just consumed all of the pills and...

No. No no no no no wait! No! Not like that! I shouldn't kill myself, yet! No, I don't have to kill myself now. Maybe, if all else fails, I could've just taken this bottle and keep it for future use. I put the bottle in my pocket before walking again towards the elevator and received a call from an anonymous voice.

"Because of you, everything has fallen into place. Well, see you later."

... Certainly, it is because of me. I didn't want to get involved in the first place, either. Well, I supposed I had no other choice.

* * *

Asriel? Asriel?

Where did he go?

After the fight with Asriel, struggling to keep this world alive, and he lost, he just walked away? Like that?

Never mind.

" _Probably at the flowerbed,_ " Chara muttered.

"He's your adoptive sibling, right? Want to go see him?"

" _What makes you think I want to see him?"_

"You miss him. I can feel it."

" _Don't be ridiculous. I'm a ghost. He can't see me._ "

"He mourns for you. Surely he can feel your presence."

" _And yet he wasn't supposed to be alive, either. You know we both died, Frisk_."

"Chara, why don't you enjoy your last moments with him, even if he may not see you. We'll go together!"

Chara kept silent. They were trying to hold their tears. They missed Asriel terribly. Asriel, their adoptive sibling but were very close like real siblings. The best playmate duo, and the only one they had to lean their heads on each others' shoulders. The first one they met after falling into the Underground. Chara was stubborn enough to hide the fact how much they missed Asriel, but I could see it. Ever since we stepped out of Asgore's Home, the place struck Chara with a familiar sentimentality, especially when I was wearing the Heart Locket. _Their_ Heart Locket. It was theirs. Asriel gave it to them. I should let Chara see him one last time before leaving the Underground, now that the barrier broke thanks to him.

* * *

Oh, Asriel.

You're crying on the flowerbed. Why crying while you and Chara died? You should've been able to see them too in your next life. Your body won't last, right? Oh, what am I talking about. I don't know much about their past, anyway.

I talked with Asriel. A lot about Chara, actually. How much Chara hated humanity that they'd even want to use the powers given to destroy any humans that attacked them. It wasn't really surprising, actually. Chara was just, like that. Yes. They're just like that. It wasn't wrong to feel that way. Even I had grown to hate humanity a bit, but not as much as Chara. I didn't hold a grudge against humanity. I just didn't like the way they treated me before I came upon the Underground. I never wanted to fight anyone.

I glaced a bit at my back, where Chara was standing behind me. I couldn't clearly describe what Chara was feeling, but their creepy smile was a bit faded. As if they were forcing their creepy smile, that seemed to be fake in this case. Deep inside, Chara was about to break down because they didn't get to talk to Asriel. They were jealous because I dominated most of the conversation. They were mad because Asriel didn't see them. It's reasonable, since they're a ghost, but still... They wanted to talk to Asriel, but they couldn't, and that's what pissed them off the most. I sensed Chara's jealousy and disappointment, so I left for the Ruins and waited for Chara until they would finally feel prepared to follow me.

The surface. Good old surface. So much memories remained here, not.

The surface wasn't really appealing. It was just, the surface. Nothing more or less. Nothing special about it. About time for me to go back to the place I belonged. The surface. The same place that I wished I hadn't born in. If I were to burden anyone again, I'd rather die. The monsters were excited to explore the surface. My "friends" already left to have fun, wherever they could've gone to. I didn't want to stay with Toriel. I told her I had other places to go. She was clearly sad that I wanted to leave. She left me a simple "See you around" before following the other "friends". There was nothing else to expect, since I said it.

And yet, I was mad. I was mad that she left quickly. Despite the love she gave to me, it felt so fake to me. She wouldn't have to leave me so quickly. I didn't feel enough love from her, nor everyone else. It just felt fake, or maybe I was the only one thinking that way. But I definitely felt that way, and it hurts so much. I still didn't feel accepted in their circle. I'm going to burden them more, aren't I?

I have pills to consume now. Hopefully no one sees me. I should go somewhere that no one will see anyone. Somewhere secret, perhaps.

Goodbye.

"You just killed yourself by overdosing sleeping pills? Pathetic."

A sinister hiss awakened me from my "sleep". Huh? Sleep? But I consumed too much pills earlier. I was sure I felt something burning in my stomach. The pills were taking action. I was suffocating. I was feeling sick. I was vomiting blood. I was pretty sure I was laid cold where I was supposed to be. I arose on my feet. It was that flower again.

"Do you understand, now? You have the power of "Determination", "reset" and "SAVE". No matter how many times you died, you'll come back alive again, just because you're determined enough to live."

... What...

So I couldn't die.

"You still have the power to reset the world. Well, I'll let you play loose," Flowey said before sinking himself into the ground again.

... What will I do now?

Am I supposed to make a different choice now? Well, maybe.


	4. Chapter 3

I...

I don't know. I don't know whether I should go for killing everyone or not. Genocide or pacifist. Which one should I choose? Playing the "victim" part and break the barrier again, or to kill everyone out of frustration and curiosity? Well, this world had infinite choices, which means it offered different endings and consequences for me, and for everyone. I couldn't help but feeling bored, and that I should explore the consequences. But, when I thought about it, it was wrong to kill even a single soul. I shouldn't be a murderer.

Murderer... Murderer... Murderer... I shouldn't kill... I shouldn't kill... I shouldn't-

" _Well, what now, Frisk?_ " Chara's sudden question snapped me into reality. It was really shocking. I was lost in my thoughts. Too deep thoughts.

"Well.. I'd... I'd just..." I stuttered. I took about a good few seconds before I made up my mind. "Pacifist, then."

And there I did it. I actually went to do the same thing again. I didn't know if it'd ever give me some benefits out of this. All I knew is that I did it because I had to do it. Going back home wasn't really that exciting, too. This world is just a game, I am able to reset the timeline and redo everything from the beginning. I only went back to the surface for a short period of time, too. Then I was dragged back in this black world with two buttons in front of me that I had to push. "Continue" and "True Reset". I wondered if it will be the same cycle. So I pressed the "True Reset" button and was sent back to the flowerbed. The same spot as where I fell from the hole.

"Ch...Chara? Are you there?" I called out their name. I wonder if we had split up after the reset.

" _I'm here_ ," out of nowhere, Chara pinched my left leg. I yelped in pain and rubbed the spot where they pinched me. I looked into their face, dissatisfied. While Chara, in the other hand, smirked and giggled behind their teeth.

"Not funny," I snarled.

" _For you, maybe. But for me, it's always hilarious,_ " Chara didn't stop giggling.

I rolled my eyes. I stood up and walked to the door. The same door where we will meet Flowey. The same door that leads to the Ruins. The same door that is the beginning of this time looping journey.

"Let's go," I told Chara.

" _Yeah,_ " Chara followed me from behind.

* * *

"Well, someone's gotta keep him out from trouble. See you later."

Gasp!

Sans looked around. He was sluggish and sleepy from the nap he took. Wait... Nap? Since when did he take a nap? He's at his sentry station in Snowdin Forest. Behind him was bottles of ketchup and car magazines. He was napping in his sentry station? But how? Earlier he and his friends were on the surface, staring at the sunrise together. Everyone was parting their ways to explore the surface, his brother, Papyrus was out to greet the humans, and Sans had to keep an eye from him. He was pretty sure he was watching over his brother. But now? Why is he here? Why is he back in Snowdin? Why is he back in the underground?

"Wait, did that ever happened?" he asked himself while rubbing his skull.

Maybe it was a sense of deja vu. He could still be in a daze after his nap. The underground was sealed with a barrier. No way he had seen it beforehand. But, his gut told him otherwise. He _might've_ seen it all before. Suddenly, an image of a human with a blue striped shirt flashed in his mind. Strangely enough, it was so familiar to him. He had a feeling that he had met this human before. What's their name, again? Fr... Fri...?

Something felt off. Was there some manipulation in the timeline? Even if it was deja vu, it felt so... real. He felt the sun shining upon his skull. He smelled the breeze from the surface. He had seen the buildings coming from the humans' town. It wasn't just deja vu. It was... so real.

...

Will Sans even remember me in the first place? After the first reset, no one will remember anything that happened. It should work that way. That's how resets usually work. But... he couldn't shrug off the feeling he was having. This kind of feeling reminded him of his research with Dr. Gaster about "Resets" and "Determination". Apparently, humans were made with enough "Determination" to maintain their form even in the brink of their death. With a proper amount of "Determination", they could possibly hold the ability to "reset" the timeline, and make some odd changes. It may affect other timelines, depends on the ability holder's actions. Was it that was happening to the timeline just now? Could someone had possibly reshaped the timeline? If yes, then who did?

...

Was it that flower?

Did that flower reshape the timeline again?

But Sans had threatened him to never use that power again. And Flowey, with trembling body, agreed to never use it. Or else, that flower will get it. Very bad. He was certain that flower won't use it again.

Who did it then?

* * *

Oh, someone arrived.

It's me. I arrived in the Snowdin Forest. Again. After the fighting against Toriel. Twice. This time, I could feel someone sneaking up behind me. It's definitely Sans.

And he's following me.

And he's whispering to my ear.

He's going to tell me to shake his hand again.

He's going to use his whoopee cushion hand trick again.

I don't really need to see that again.

I turned around.

Before he could say anything, I immediately reached out to his hand and shook hands with him. He was baffled by the fact that I actually saw that coming, but he decided to shrug it off.

I was wondering if he could actually remember me. I was afraid that someone might remember me, even after the first reset. Will someone finally remember? Sans? Papyrus? Undyne? Alphys? Asgore? Anyone? Not Toriel, for sure. She didn't seem to remember me, even though she told me that she had a feeling that we had met before. I only chuckled, because she was right. Truly. But she didn't retain her memories with me and the past timeline. Will someone else do? Will someone else remember? Chara was wondering the same thing, too. Flowey did remember me, though. He saw what I did. He saw me befriended everyone. He saw me defeated his "other form". He saw me defeated him as Asriel. He saw me seeing him breaking the barrier. He saw me getting out of the Underground with everyone. He saw me seeing him for the last time as Asriel at the flowerbed. He was Asriel, and he is Flowey. He could see everything that I've been doing. He could remember. What if someone else will, as well? At least if someone will, I don't feel lonely. It was sickening to be around that psychotic flower.

And I played by the flow again. I had to entertain my "friends". How boring. How sickening. How nauseating. How boring. It's boring. It's so boring. It's so boring that I should've killed myself from the very beginning. But I knew it's not that good, either. Since I'll end up at my SAVE point again.

Funny enough, they had been pointing out some hints that they were trying to retain some memories just like Toriel did. They tried, but they didn't succeed, their memories were scattered. They only had a feeling that I had met them before. But they failed to remember. They failed to remember. They failed to remember. It doesn't matter. They won't remember. They only remembered me for a short amount of time. What's more sickening, I had to entertain them. I had to play along with the flow. Again. Again. Till I get extremely, very bored. Too bored that I could choke myself to death. I had to be their victim, survive their attacks, hang out with them. It's sickening. I, sometimes cursed them for trying to kill me. I was so upset. But I didn't have other choice but to play with the flow.

* * *

"Hey, Undyne!"

Papyrus greeted Undyne beside his house. Undyne was running towards him, sweating. She stretched out her legs a bit to stabilise her legs on the ground. She panted and panted. She was gaining more air after the tiredness of running all over from Waterfall. Then, she immediately grabbed Papyrus's neck, pulled him closer to her and poked his skull with her knuckles.

"Gee, Undyne! Don't noogie the skeleton! And you sure are sweating! You've been working out, haven't you?" Papyrus laughed.

"Yeah! I ran!" Undyne gave him an awkward smile, not willing to properly open up to him about her house's condition. Current condition.

Papyrus was amazed of Undyne's passion on running and working out. 'She must be very great! It's not often that people work out like her!' he thought to himself. What he didn't know was that her house was on fire after my "cooking lesson" with Undyne that I had to attend for Papyrus. Well, she was the one insisting to heat up the stove to the maximum point. I wanted to blame her, but it was so funny, and I had to entertain her. But, also, it was a bit funny. Atfer a while, Undyne stopped poking his skull and shivered.

"Brr... It sure is cold here. I can't believe Snowdin sucks, too! It's too cold! How can you stand this much cold?" Undyne asked.

"'Cause I have no skin!" Papyrus joked.

"Right," Undyne chuckled. She went silent, before asking him another question. "Hey, Papyrus. I was wondering about... You know... The human. You know them, right?"

"The human? Hmm... Why, yes I do! I went on a date with them. They were a very great friend!" Papyrus said cheerfully. Oh, the sweet human whom he just dated. But I never forgot the fact that he rejected me. I wouldn't want to call it a date, anymore.

"Date...?" Undyne murmured to herself, confused. But she shook her head, trying to stop thinking about it. "Anyway, as I was saying... The human is undeniably great. They were nice, they did good on the cooking lesson I gave to them, they refused to hurt anyone. But, something about them was bugging me. Like, they seemed familiar. It felt like I've met them before. It wasn't just any deja vu, it also felt real. And another odd thing is that they always seemed bored of everything, unmotivated, and most likely knew everything that would happen. Like they had seen everything before? I don't know, I'm probably insane, but that's what I feel when I see them."

The two were in silence. They were thinking about the same human in striped shirt. About me.


	5. Chapter 4

"Undyne," Papyrus murmured. "I hate to say it, but if you're saying that they look familiar even before meeting them, couldn't it be that they look similar to someone else? After all, it's impossible to have seen someone you've just met. And about them knowing everything and always unmotivated, maybe they've always been like that? They could be a mysterious person. Oooh, spooky!"

Undyne heaved a sigh. Maybe he was right. She was probably just tired. It's impossible to have known me before. Maybe. Depends on what she had actually seen. I wish she could've remembered, but it was probably for the best to forget about me. Undyne was disappointed, but took his words to heart. Maybe she should just relax a bit more. She tried to shrug off the feeling she had, but it didn't work. No matter how hard she tried to deny it, her heart would always say the otherwise.

She was just looking around the town when suddenly, she felt a pain in her head. It was nothing like a normal headache. It was a weird, sudden and swelling pain that might not subside. Undyne gripped her head, trying to resist the pain, but she failed. It was so painful that she started having a hazy vision, and almost lost her balance.

In her head, she kept seeing someone walking around the Underground, with a knife in their hand. It's a human. Why are they holding a knife? They were wearing a striped shirt. Blue, no wait, green. No way, now blue? Blue? Green? Blue? Green? Green? Green? Blue? Whatever the colour of their striped shirt was, they were carrying their knife everywhere, swinging it up and down, stabbing the monsters, killing them, stabbing, swinging, killing, and killing again. What is this? What is happening? What is she seeing? The human turned to face her. They looked like Frisk. Looked like me, but at the same time, they didn't look like me at all. They kept changing their striped shirt colour and face expression. That person was smiling, with bright red eyes, and their laughter echoed around. It shook Undyne down to her "bones". They kept killing and killing. They were killing. They still kept killing. I still-

"Undyne? Are you okay?"

Papyrus's soft voice shocked Undyne into reality. Before she had realised it, the weird pain was gone. Her legs was still trembling from what she had seen in her head. What was she seeing? Was it Frisk? Was it me? Undyne decided to forget about it and turned to Papyrus with her smiling face, assuring him that she's okay.

* * *

A few steps more and I'll be entering the Throne Room. _He's_ in there. It was time to meet _him_. Should I kill him or let him go? Well, it didn't really matter. Everything will be same in the end, anyway. I turned around. Chara was still patiently standing behind me, watching my every movements. Emphasise on _every_. They're a ghost, I could accept it, but it was kind of creepy, too. All I could think is whether to kill him or not. Kill him or not? Do it or do not? Do I have to kill him again? Do I?

" _It's your choice, Frisk,_ " Chara smilingly answered my _question_ that I had been asking myself.

God dammit, Chara. They always knew what I've been thinking about, even if I tried hard to hide them. There was no hiding from them. I guess that's what made them cool?

"It still won't make any difference, right? There's no point to this..." I whispered to Chara.

" _Well, what else would you expect this world to turn into if you don't want to decide? You can't stay in the Underground forever,_ " replied Chara.

Well, they're right. I just didn't think it would make a difference, because I knew everything would be the same. I kept doing the same thing. And maybe in the next reset, it would be an endless same routine.

"I'll just go for it, I guess..."


	6. Chapter 5

I stepped inside the Throne Room and found King Asgore watering his golden flowers surrounding his big golden throne. When he turned, he was shocked to see a human child in front of him. Shocked to see me. He looked at me with sad eyes and his mouth was moving, as if he wanted to say something but he couldn't.

"I so badly want to say "Would you like a cup of tea?" But... You know how it is," said Asgore slowly.

Yeah, I knew that.

You're going to kill me again.

For the sake of monsters.

For the sake of monsters? What kind of crap is that?

You locked away six human souls from those six humans you murdered just to break the barrier? Is that all you could do as a solution to this barrier problem? Pathetic. But, maybe I would understand if that was his only option. How saddening. His wife even lefft him for this. Double pathetic. Asgore walked towards the window and looked at the scene through it. It was a beautiful scene of the entire Underground.

"It's a beautiful day outside. A great day to play the game of catch," he muttered to himself. Gosh, I'm so sick of those meaningless words.

"King... Asgore..." I finally called out his name.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever thought that everything you've done might be pointless? Like, you've been invested in doing some things you've been working on, then wondering that it might not work or is just not worth it because you might not get something out of it? For example, just like what you're supposed to do now..."

Asgore looked down to his feet. He didn't really understand my question but somehow, he did feel that way sometimes. He just wanted to free the monsters. Humans are cruel. They took away the monsters' freedom, and killed both of his children, Asriel and Chara. That's why he waged war against the human race. They deserved this war. But the monsters lost. Once again the humans' cruelty had despaired everyone. But, to break the barrier by just doing what he had to do, wasn't it cruel enough of him to do it? Killing the humans just to free the monsters? What if it won't work? Even with the doubt, he tried to calm himself and believed in his plan. He held on to that hope. But now, with me asking him this, he started to wonder again if he had done something worthy?

Well, it's not the time for that, now. He had to finish his job. He pulled out his trident, engaging a fight. He had to do it. He had to finish his job. Then, everyone will be free. I, on the other hand, knew what I had to do. I pulled out the worn dagger I got from his house and held the heart locket before swinging my dagger at him.

* * *

Finally! I knocked him down. Again. And it's nothing to be proud of.

He was kneeling helplessly on the floor in his weak state. He was severely injured, of course I'm the cause of that injury. I only managed to look at him with slight pity. I didn't know what to do next, so I just had to let him live, I guess.

But things took a turn.

"I see that you're sparing me," said Asgore. He took a breath, shaking, before he continued, "I'm sorry, human. I cannot grant you happiness, not even you can find one in the Underground. The war has been going on for too long, and I'm beginning to feel slightly tired from all of this chaos between monsters and humans. I don't want power, not even anything out of this. I just want to see my wife... I just want to see my children... I just want... every monsters... to be free..."

Trembling, he picked up his trident that he dropped and pointed it at his chest. My eyes widened and I screamed his name, begging him to stop. He probably didn't hear me. He immediately thrust the trident against his left chest. He hit the vital part of himself, his heart. He coughed blood, he was struggling to feel his arms. With some strength he still had, he pulled out the trident and finally collapsed to the floor. He fell lifelessly before he turned into dust.

"D...Dad...?" Chara spoke, surprised of what just happened.

My mouth was too wide opened. I couldn't feel my entire body that froze seeing this terrible suicide. Suicide. Suicide. It's suicide. Asgore killed himself. Asgore killed himself asgore killed himself asgore killed himself he killed himself killed himself kill yourself kill yourself kill-

My scream echoed throughout the entire castle.

* * *

I reset again. The repeating journey was the same as usual, except that everything didn't feel the same as before. I was too traumatised to be surprised of everything in this tedious journey. Asgore killed himself. He didn't have to do that! Why would he? Even Chara was still surprised of their adoptive father's sudden cowardly action. Fall, walk, and leave. Fall, walk, and leave. I fell into the Ruins again, had gone to Snowdin, Waterfall and Hotland again, fought everyone and hung out with them again, fought Asgore again, visited the True Lab again, met Asriel again, the barrier broke again, and went to the surface again. Again. Again. Again. And this repeating cycle won't stop. Unless... Unless... I make a change... Unless, I didn't have to do the same thing again. I just had to go back and make things different. Maybe. But... It won't be worthy, will it be? Will it?

Ah, forget this. Forget it. I just wanted to die. Again. I want to die. I want to die. I just don't want to suffer. The surface is a great place. Everyone had left to meet the humans. Whatever. I stood at the cliff we just assembled earlier and contemplated the place. It was deep. The bottom was too far from the top. Probably a good spot to die. And I did it. I fell off the cliff. I looked up into the sky. It's a beautiful evening sky... I was too amazed by its beauty that I didn't look down. I even forgot the fact that I'm about to die. I even forgot about the fear and the pain of falling off the cliff. I forgot it all. I landed on my head, and it split into half.

* * *

Coincidentally, Alphys was watching me from the bottom. She saw me falling off the cliff and split my head into half. She saw me in a terrible state. Horrified, she screamed and placed her palms against her face. Everyone, who had heard her screaming, rushed towards her.

"What happened, Alphys?" Undyne asked her anxiously.

"It's... It's.. Frisk! It's Frisk! They.. They..." Alphys was too scared to answer her girlfriend's question.

"Calm down! What happened to Frisk?" Asgore patted her shaking shoulder.

"They... killed themself!" Alphys became more hysterical and burst into tears.


	7. Chapter 6

" _F...Frisk...?_ "

Chara gave a pat on my shoulder. I didn't turn to them or to anything. I just stood there like a mannequin, feeling hopeless after I had witnessed the most horrible scene I've ever been. Asgore committed suicide. He did. And why? Why would he do that? Why did he care about my happiness anyway? I'm never happy, and I'll never will. I curse this depression I had been suffering for years, but I couldn't help it. How can someone even get rid of their own depression in the first place? And why would this king who tried to kill me... Simply said that he "couldn't give me happiness"?

" _I... I never thought my dad... I mean Asgore... Would do that... I thought he has a soft heart and a crybaby, but is always nice and gentle... Why..._ "

"It doesn't matter..." I muttered quietly. I couldn't figure out whether Chara heard me or not.

" _Frisk?_ "

My hand waved towards the "Reset" button and pressed it. And again, we ended up in the same flowerbed spot and we had to go on the similar journey. Befriend everyone, not killing them, maybe even "help" them.

This time... I don't want to "not kill them". I want this route to be different. It has to be different. I'm tired of this "being nice" shenanigans. I'm so bored of it that I could puke all day. I have to do this. I can do this. I need to see something different. I need to do this. I need to do this... I need to do this...

I am filled with DETERMINATION.

* * *

Monster Kid was staring at a Christmas Tree proudly towering itself in the middle of Snowdin Town. Clearly he was amazed by its enormous size and Christmas-like decoration, even though it wasn't Christmas at that month. He put his Christmas gift under the tree. He was hoping to give his present to a random monster who would kindly accept it. After all, monsters in Snowdin were told that giving away random gifts at the tree would make the receiver happy, regardless of who they are.

"It's like giving and taking," Monster Kid thought to himself.

In the distance, he could see me walking through the town entrance. I slowly walked and ran into the sign that read "Welcome to Snowdin Town!". It was full of nostalgia, but for some reason it wasn't a very precious nostalgic memory that people should've had. It was an empty nostalgia, at least for me and Chara. I didn't know how many times I've seen this sign again. As I walked slowly and slowly into the town while hearing the sound of my boots sinking into the deep snow, I looked at my hands. My hands were covered in dust. Monsters turn into dust, and some of them already did. I really did it. I killed some of the monsters, but not Toriel or anyone. I was too guilty to kill them, but not the random Froggits or Whimsuns that seemed to have no value in living. Even Flowey agreed that I'm a "monster" for killing them without considering their families' and friends' feelings.

" _Frisk... I think killing monsters is bad. There's no point to it..._ " Chara convinced me, trying not to sound desperate.

"..."

" _Frisk, I know you have enough Determination, and you probably think you can do anything. I know you're bored, but... At least don't kill anyone out of boredom_ ," Chara tried to convince me again, but failed.

I didn't even want to listen to any of it. I can do it. I must do it. I have to do it.

As soon as I walked past the Christmas tree, Monster Kid noticed my presence and greeted me with his annoyingly shrill voice, "Hey, there! Are you new here? I haven't seen you around here before."

"Uh... yeah. The name's Frisk," I held out my hand. It became awkward a few seconds after.

"Frisk, huh...?" Monster Kid repeated my name before explaining, "I'm sorry dude, but, I have no hands."

I ran my eyes across his appearance only to realise that he didn't have both arms. I pulled my hand slowly and blushed with a deep red. "Sorry, I didn't notice that..."

"It's alright!" Monster Kid said cheerfully. "So, you're a kid too, huh? I can tell because you're wearing a striped shirt, just like me!"

I smiled emptily. He guessed right on the spot. I did notice the stripes on his shirt, too. He could be around my age from what he had assumed about me. Chara only watched us having a small conversation since they can't talk to anyone, not to mention, I could call Chara my _imaginary friend._

"Since you're new here, want to take a walk around Snowdin with me?" offered Monster Kid. Well, I had nothing else to do but to go with the same flow. It wouldn't hurt to hang out with someone a bit. "Sure!" I agreed.

I turned to Chara. I bet they were bored, as well. From their expression, I could tell that they wouldn't mind to walk with Monster Kid.

* * *

"Careful! You need to watch your step!" I cried half-screaming to Monster Kid who just fell on the ground. Well, on the snow, really. I rushed towards him and pulled him up.

"I... I'm sorry. I'm always this clumsy. Haha," Monster Kid smiled to me. "Thanks, though."

Seeing his radiant smile, I could only slightly smile back at him. I'm too tired to smile, anyway. We continued walking on the path across the town. We've seen the houses and different monsters, we've visited the shop. We stopped to look at the restaurant called "Grillby's". Its classic design gave an antique vibe to those who wanted to see the restaurant.

"This restaurant seems nice, huh..." I muttered quietly. "Brings back memories for me."

It certainly did. Who would forget the time Sans invited me to hang out at Grillby's in the previous timelines. And I never forgot when his ketchup spilled all over the meal I ordered. What a pity.

"Really?" Monster Kid looked deeply into my face. "You've been to Grillby's before?"

I nodded.

At that time, Monster Kid noticed that I wasn't smiling as much as he did. He sensed that I was bothered by something. He also noticed something, ghastly about my hands and my shirt. They were both covered in monsters' dusts. Dust? Why would there be dusts all over this kid?

'Could it be that...' Monster Kid thought to himself, but couldn't finish what he was thinking cause he was too surprised. He then realised it's not his place to assume it so he shook his head and decided to not think about it. Still, he was feeling concerned.

"Hey, Frisk?"

"Hm?"

"Are you okay? You don't seem to be happy at all. Is something bothering you?"

"..."

"I guess you don't want to talk about it..."

No, no. It's not that I don't want to talk about it. It's just... Okay, maybe you're right, Monster Kid. I don't want to talk about it. Rather, it's just so hard to open up to anyone about the situation I'm in, and I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore. I had this question I wanted to ask someone for so long, other than Chara of course, because they've always been with me and they should know what I'm feeling, but I didn't know why it's so hard to come out. It's like a pebble stuck in my throat and it's clogging my voice. But I tried my best to say it.

"Um.. hey... can I ask something?" I finally built up my courage.

"Yeah?" Monster Kid was ready to listen to me.

"Um... Well.. I... Okay. Let's say that you get lost in a certain world, and you need to find yourself a way to get out of there. Upon entering the world, you've had this ability where you can travel through time, but by this, I mean that you can only travel back in the past, not in the future. Okay, and then, you've befriended some people from that world and you eventually managed to let them leave the world with you, and even start a new life in your real home, the world where you first come from. But then, you get bored of it, and you travel back in time where you first came to the world. You do it again and again until you get completely bored, even though no one remembers you. Only you can remember the events that happened. But then, you decided it shouldn't always be this way. You start killing people, even the ones you love. And of course, you'd feel guilty. What would you do if you're stuck in that situation?"

I looked into Monster Kid who was too excited about something. I saw some sparks of amazement in his eyes.

"The ability to travel through time? That's so cool!" Monster Kid screamed in excitement.

I looked down to my boots. I guess he wasn't listening. I regretted it. Chara was not amused by Monster Kid's reaction, and was simply feeling disgusted of him. Chara wanted to punch him in his face, but they realised they might phase through him, so they decided to stay patient instead.

"Okay, okay. Sorry, Frisk," Monster Kid finally turned serious. "I'm sorry, friend, but honestly, I don't understand what you're talking about. I can't make it all out. But, if I were in that position, I think there's no point in killing people, really. Even if you get bored, why would you? After all, wouldn't it be better to enjoy your life with people you love and keep going down that path where everyone is happy, instead of just going back in time and do things differently? I mean, no matter how hard life can be, everyone deserves a happy ending, even if they don't think so. You just have to keep finding the happiness you're looking for, and enjoy yourself and those whom you love."

I got lost in my thoughts for a moment. Well, he's right. I should've just enjoyed the happy ending that I had obtained instead. I shouldn't have thrown it away like it was some sort of a useless trash. Maybe I should. I was just... Afraid that no one actually loved me. I didn't even think a random person, or monster would love this depressed child. Who would be, anyway? And I don't know if I'd be able to enjoy my life that is already hellish for me. But... No matter what, he's right. Even though I was a bit disappointed that he didn't understand properly, at least he had said something that relieved me a bit. It's alright, at least I felt a bit lighter in my chest when I finally talked to someone, even if it wasn't very detailed. He shouldn't know about what I've did, but being a child that he is, maybe he could comfort someone.

Eventually, Monster Kid and I had to part our ways. We said our goodbyes and finally ventured off to the place I should go. Before that, I needed a rest. I walked my way through the Waterfall and once again met Sans at his sentry.

"Hey, kid. I see that you're on a journey. Want to walk around Waterfall with me? There's something I want to ask you about," offered Sans. He hoped to hear an answer he needed.

I need to hang out with another monster again? But, he said he wanted to ask me something. I was already tired from the walking I had with Monster Kid. Reluctant, I agreed to go with him anyways.

"Sure, but do you mind if I take a rest first?" I asked.

"I don't mind. After all, I know a place to relax. Come with me," Sans offered me his hand.

I reached out and held his hand. He teleported us to somewhere in Waterfall that was calming and serene. We stumbled upon the turquoise-coloured river and sat at the edge of the black path. Sans even brought his telescope he left before the river.


End file.
